Musings and such

Life is stressful now, and that doesn’t even take into account the terrible events going on in the world. (Nazis?! Really?!?!).

Had a blog post all ready for the Angelic Pretty USA debacle, but I don’t feel like publishing it after all. To be succinct, I am boycotting until the problematic staff member is fired.  This can be an opportunity to explore Japanese brands beyond AP, like Atelier Pierrot, Metamorphose, Baby and Innocent World.

Every time I look back on my instagram and see posts where I dressed up nice or ate something tasty, it makes me want to dress up nice and go eat pastries or dim sum (I did this over the weekend with my friend!) or ramen.

More Stupid Things

Originally, I wanted to dress up today. ;_; But then found out that this morning, we were supposed to have a family meeting.  I am still not quite confident enough to wear alice otona around my family (aside from my Mom), so plain jeans it was.

We were on our way there when I got a call saying it was off, and for very good reasons that I am not going to describe here. So back home we go. I figured that I would see family members later in the day, so remained in jeans to run errands.

Later, we got news that a family member would now be staying with us for an indeterminate amount of time, so I scrambled to move all of my possessions back to my own bedroom. It was nice being spread out with the attic room for storage, but it is no more. u__u

Going to go see friends tomorrow (hopefully) so probably no opportunity to dress up either. I do not feel like being brave in that aspect right now.

Stupid Things

My boss saw me last weekend when I was dressed up. So the other day, he commented that I looked extra fancy and asked if that is how I always am outside of lab.

(。ノω\。)゚ hah sure I wish.

Then today I panicked about being around other people so I came home early and tried to bake cream horns. They turned out okay, but I ran out of whip cream so I had to fill the rest with cream cheese.  I want to buy some proper cream corn molds and then I will try the other cream filling recipe I know. That one always makes a TON of filling. But this worked pretty well.

And now my family is exploding because of stupid life decisions. So once more, I am pondering moving all of my belongings into my original bedroom to make room for other people or not. ¬_¬ I really prefer to be spread out the way I am now, but the weather is starting to cool off (in August!?)(GLOBAL WARMING) so I will probably end up moving back into the other room soon anyway. Before moving the heck out.

Life worth Living

This might get kind of deep and is not the regularly scheduled cute fluff.

A family member accused me of having the same existential crisis that they are having, and I said that was wrong. What the heck is an existential crisis anyway? Apparently, a moment where you question if your life is worth living and if anything you do in life really matters.

According to Zapffe (and Wikipedia!), humans have 4 ways of dealing with this;

  • anchoring (being attached to the first bit of information offered, an idea they can use to focus their attention consistently, like society, God, etc.)
  • isolation (“fully arbitrary dismissal from consciousness of all disturbing and destructive thought and feeling” according to Wikipedia)
  • distraction (focus on an action or something else so you don’t think about it)
  • sublimation (re-focus the worry onto positive things, like creating art or other useful endeavors)

In this case, if I am having an existential crisis, then I think I am handling it quite well.  But sometimes it does sneak into my brain, does any of this really matter?

In the big picture of the universe and existence and all that, no, it doesn’t matter. I am a blip on the radar of the universe. But that does not mean I should not enjoy my small existence, or that I should not use my life, however insignificant, to do something good.

I want to have a good life! I want to eat tasty things and visit neat places and have a cozy and safe place to live and be around the people I love and who make me happy. I want to buy cute things and wear pretty clothes.  I want to provide a good life to the cats I take care of, and maybe even have a family someday, and provide them with a good, happy life too.

I want to help further human knowledge about science, and even if I graduate this year and end up in a soul sucking job as a medical writer, then at least the past 6 years of my life doing research were not a waste. And even a job as a medical writer (note: I am not seriously considering this as a career, but it is something I know is available, but I don’t really want to do it. At least not at this moment in my life) would not be fruitless either, because it would involve translating data and results into a form that other people can more easily understand. That isn’t really something fun, but I think it would be helpful and the idea of furthering human knowledge makes me happy.

Even when things look gloomy, and my family is being awful, and it feels like I will never graduate and I worry that everyone is disappointed in me for being unpublished while the new kids already are published and I worry I can’t find a job because I am still unpublished and I just want to cry…I have to remind myself that it will be okay. Not everyone’s life is going to have a huge impact, and I am probably always going to be a “nobody” whose existence will not matter very much in the grand scheme of things.

But surely I matter to my friends and loved ones, and maybe even my co-workers.  Pretty sure I matter to my cat, who kept bugging me this morning to feed her. I like to think that when I interact with strangers and am generally polite and considerate, I am able to make their day a little bit better (or at least not make it any worse).

Anyway, time is limited for everyone, and that scares me sometimes because I will be 30 in a few years. That seems so old and I feel like I haven’t done enough with my life yet.  I mean, graduate school is kind of a big deal, but I though I would have traveled more by now.  I was reading something yesterday about planning trips to Japan (ah yes the weaboo inside breaks free!) and budgeting for it. I want to do that! I’ve wanted to go visit Japan at LEAST for a decade! But I kept making excuses. I can’t afford it cause I would want a few grand so I could do some hard core shopping, I am scared to go alone, I don’t speak/read the language, I can’t take time off work/school/lab etc etc etc.  Ah this kind of got off topic, but the point is, life doesn’t matter so may as well do something fun.

(Of course, the doing something fun has caveats. Murder sprees are not okay and if you think that is fun, please see a therapist. Drinking yourself to death may seem fun to you but it is not fun for your loved ones so please don’t. Please take care of your health so you can get the most fun out of life.)

Do something that makes you happy, but don’t hurt other people in the process. I think to me, that is the meaning of life.

I am not precisely sure which of the 4 coping mechanisms I fall under, or perhaps if I fall under all 4.  But I do think I am dealing with this existential crisis better than my family member, and we are most definitely 100% NOT the same.

And damnit, I am going to go on a shopping trip to Japan one of these days. At least once in my life.

 

Lazy Sunday

Contrary to the title, I actually cleaned house, ran errands and am just now able to actually be lazy.  Paid for my Taobao order of shoes, petticoats and a few hair accessories (this is my cheat fun purchase of the month!) and then decided to go through and organize my current hair accessories.  At the moment, they were all thrown together in a bag hanging in my closet, but that’s kind of lame.

Wristcuffs all together in one box, headbands (both hair bows and floral headdresses) all propped up in a plastic box, and little barrettes in an old bento box that is lacking the elastic so it doesn’t stay closed.  I have some larger hair barrettes and a veil tucked in under the hairbows also.

I like being able to see my head accessories like this, but also, I would like to keep them protected from dust. For now, the box will go in a cabinet.  Also thinking I may just wear a pink dress for upcoming events and then can save the blue dresses I am thinking about for later meets. August is pretty hot and terrible too, after all.

Sweet and Elegant Activities for when your internet dies

My internet has been dead 2 day thanks to a thunderstorm somehow besting Google Fiber. Luckily, my mother still buys her own internet in addition to my internet, which is how I can post (after setting up internet sharing and messing with other settings she was unaware existed).

So what kind of activities can one do offline and isolated from the digital world?

  • Write in your journal.
  • Take pictures of cute things and NOT post them online (yet)
  • Actually work on sewing and embroidery projects
  • Clean house
  • Do yoga
  • Draw or color in coloring books
  • Garden (unless it is hot as sin and bright as heck outside)
  • Make lists
  • Ponder topics for writing about on blog, and write about them offline (and then copy paste into word later)
  • Work on that damn dissertation
  • Bake all the sweets
  • Konmari your wardrobe
  • Drink tea
  • Try to not waste too much of the mobile data plan

I really hope my internet service gets fixed tomorrow. All I can do is wish the repair guys luck, I guess.

UPDATE: Woke up and the internet was fixed. Yay

Lethargic summer times

I guess ILD was only two weeks ago, but it feels like it’s been forever since I wore any lolita clothes.  I briefly considered wearing something super toned down for today, but decided it is too damn hot. It’s already +90F and it’s only the middle of June! I can’t stand this! I am still a bit cautious about wearing it around my non-lolita friends, since it might attract attention to them that they would be uncomfortable with. ヽ(´ー`)┌ I wonder if I am feeling so antsy because instead of going to meets (I think there was one today but I originally was going to help a friend move today, but I helped her yesterday so I could see my old friends today). I will try again in July, except both coms have scheduled a meet at the same bakery one day apart. Can I really eat donuts two days in a row? Absolutely. But do I want to dress up in many frilly layers in the middle of July to do so?

๏_๏ I am still undecided. It’s so hot and my house barely has AC so even getting ready for a meet would be torture.

Today, I went to go see my college friend who is back in her hometown for about 2 weeks.  We had a great time!

There is a little donut shop in town that we always meet up at, so the other out of town friends and I have an easy place to park our cars. But also, donuts. I am pretty proud of myself because I only bought this one cream cheese donut. Most years, we end up getting a ton and stuffing our faces.

We did do to lunch right after donuts. My friend from this town told us about this bistro that has 5 different kinds of Asian cuisine, so we went there (mostly because no one else wanted to pick and that was the last place I remember her talking about). It was delicious! There was egg drop soup (not pictured), and I got the galbi (ribs) bento box. Included is kimchi (I ate one bite and that is about all I can handle), vegetable tempura, some gyoza (dumplings), rice and a small slice of roll cake. It was so delicious, and almost too much food. I made sure to finish the meat though- it was amazing.

Also, restaurant bento box lunch specials are so fun to eat because you get to try a bunch of things.

After stuffing our faces, we explores some shops, such as the yarn shop we always ALWAYS go to (my friends like to knit and crochet….I embroider….), and then to the British food shop, which means, of course, I had to buy tea.

Tea enthusiasts seem to say that PG tips and Yorkshire are very good tea brands that normal people drink in the UK, so giving it a shot. Literally cannot mess this up. Also, a variety tin from The English Cream Tea Company with 4 different flavors of tea. Cream tea doesn’t refer to a beverage called ‘cream tea’, but a small afternoon meal, where you drink tea and have scones with clotted cream and jam.

Also I bought shortbread, in memory of the one time I tried to bake shortbread and failed spectacularly.

After a little shopping, we went and got ice cream.  I would have taken a picture, but I was busy eating ice cream.